What do people feel before death? Before the lights are slowly pulled out from their world? A shadow wraps around their soul and haunting memories come back in flashes and they writhe in pain and shudder before their breathe catches and they have been stolen to the underworld. They're eyes clouded, their features are twisted in shock and agony and their bones stick out in awkward angles but it is ok, it is ok, they are gone. Soul for soul and they are gone forever. The shadow wraps around twice before they go, this time happy memories and they are smiling at the simplest things they have in life, what they once had, what they once were like, they go in the most peaceful way ever and their eyelids flutter shut as their breathing shallows, until it is nothing more than a wisp and then it's gone. but they are happy and that is all that matters.
So what do peoeple really feel before death?
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Everyday I come in here, but hello can you see me? I watch you as you scurry over documents, knocking over glasses and they reflect the light, a million tiny stars over the velvet backdrop. I see your body but where is your mind? I want to help you pick things up, put things into perspective but your bloodshot eyes sweep over me, I am invisible.
2AM phone calls to your phone but you're never there and I roll around in bed, wishing, just wishing. But there is no answer and as each second passes more of me dies. I want to reach out to you and touch but my hands go right through you and I feel sick in the gut. You are there, always there, and my heart feels like it has been ripped out leaving a bloody mess of nerves and tissue entangled as the truth hits like a train and I am a mess. This body is not my own.
I start to fade, the colours going through me like bullets and I can see the sun rising off the edge, electricity courses between us but I doubt you can feel, I am nothing more than the breeze but the static holds me in place. Every second I lose more colour and the mirrors avoid me, I avoid myself.
Can you feel my presence? I want you to feel me, I want you to know that I'm here, I want you to hear me, hold me, talk to me, but all I see now is nothing more than the ghost of myself and what we used to be. I don't want you to forget me, I am selfish, but I can only hope because I am fading fast and I want you to catch me before I am gone.
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So the holidays are finally here and well, H1 paper's this wednesday but I haven't even started studying. Got inspired to write something after reading things and well I churned out that piece up there. I usually never have that much to say but well, I guess when inspiration hits it does come in full force. Not very coherent and it doens't really m but well, deal with it ha ha ;)
I am currently typing this with my face down , i mean face to bed and I can't see what I'm typing. Oh em gee the holidays have barely started and already I've gone back to my nightcrawler ways, that meaning I've gm-ed. Haha for the record I did not see the sunlight yesterday at all. I woke up at around 3 plus and lay in bed till 8 then got up for dinner then went back to my room. FB-ed the whole day though haha. I need little excitement in my life!!!!
Sometimes I find it so much easier to write in LJ, like my thought process is better or smth ahha idk.
Signing off, J
♥
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