i fucking hate you.
i fucking hate you.
If I wake in the morning
I'll only need two more miracles to be a saint
Everything I promised everone I'd be,
Well I just ain't.
Lately it seems like,
Everybody's sick
Everybody's dead.
Build myself up a wall on a happy high
Knowing my heart
Knows my head is lying.
Oh, Glory...
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Panic is back, , so is the !, I love them :)
Brendon :) all is well, life is good :)
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
Don't try too hard to fit in or you'd just be the outcast.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.

So I slowly whisper "I love you" thirty-two and a third times. After that, we just sit on the line and listen to each other breathe.
via sadheroine@ljcomms 




Cr; andrewlmoore.com/
This guy's photographs are seriously.. whoa.
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She's really really pretty! 




Haha I guess good genes run in the family. Her brother's goodlooking as well :)
via iloveemmawatson@tumblr
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Sigh my thoughts are so fragmented now :(
Ok I was too lazy to put everything under a cut, so there :P
This is dumb.
My life sucks so much right now. I really feel like studying ok, studying. Idk why but bow exams are over I feel so... Empty
Keun.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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On another note. I think PJ is going to make me gay soon. Where are the handsome boys?!
Something funny + I found comforting: NJ boys are as ugly as PJ boys, I actually feel comforted at that thought heh. I thought we had the ugliest of the lot (this does not include Fred because he is the epitome of ugly. Oh, and Charlie's dance partner too.) but I guess not ^^
I'm not even kidding man. PJ will make me gay sooner or later. (come one JayB work your magiczx)
Also.
I hate being the fucking back up plan. I'm here for whoever but don't only use me only because you have nowhere else to turn to. It hurts, it fucking hurts to know that you're just the second/third/forth/fifth/nth in another's life. Why do you only turn to me when there are no other options? I hate it, I hate you, I hate how I feel like you're using me yet I just let you do it to me. I even ask myself why the fuck do I let you do this to me but
I have no answer to this question, I just let you because it's you and you are special to me.
I want things to go back to the way they were.
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On a lighter note, I think Teddy's really cute :)
So sick of studying, seeing the same people, hearing the same things, everything everything everything and it's all slowly getting to me I feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out and maybe life would be better that way I feel so !stressed!out! by exams and I have been studying, really, I have been trying but somehow I don't seem to feel anything other than the pounding of a new headache knocking whatever i've learned aside and nothing.is.helping.
Maybe it's just me I don't know I feel like the clockwork in my brain's rusty, like nothing's functioning perfectly.
My friend says that if I sit down and just focus I'll be a very smart person but well my brain obviously hates me.
Bye gaiz I'm gonna find my new friend called Focus now.
For the brief moment of closeness, you let him into your bubble and you would wonder if it was the right choice but the next moment he's so close and you forget every doubt you had because he was there and he touches you and it feels like electric shocks and the tingling sensation leaves you begging for more. The next moment boom he's gone and you were wondering if that was more than a fragment of your imagination or maybe you were just going crazy.
But you think, for that brief moment of closeness and intimacy it was worth it. Everything was.
So what do peoeple really feel before death?
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Everyday I come in here, but hello can you see me? I watch you as you scurry over documents, knocking over glasses and they reflect the light, a million tiny stars over the velvet backdrop. I see your body but where is your mind? I want to help you pick things up, put things into perspective but your bloodshot eyes sweep over me, I am invisible.
2AM phone calls to your phone but you're never there and I roll around in bed, wishing, just wishing. But there is no answer and as each second passes more of me dies. I want to reach out to you and touch but my hands go right through you and I feel sick in the gut. You are there, always there, and my heart feels like it has been ripped out leaving a bloody mess of nerves and tissue entangled as the truth hits like a train and I am a mess. This body is not my own.
I start to fade, the colours going through me like bullets and I can see the sun rising off the edge, electricity courses between us but I doubt you can feel, I am nothing more than the breeze but the static holds me in place. Every second I lose more colour and the mirrors avoid me, I avoid myself.
Can you feel my presence? I want you to feel me, I want you to know that I'm here, I want you to hear me, hold me, talk to me, but all I see now is nothing more than the ghost of myself and what we used to be. I don't want you to forget me, I am selfish, but I can only hope because I am fading fast and I want you to catch me before I am gone.
-x-
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So the holidays are finally here and well, H1 paper's this wednesday but I haven't even started studying. Got inspired to write something after reading things and well I churned out that piece up there. I usually never have that much to say but well, I guess when inspiration hits it does come in full force. Not very coherent and it doens't really m but well, deal with it ha ha ;)
I am currently typing this with my face down , i mean face to bed and I can't see what I'm typing. Oh em gee the holidays have barely started and already I've gone back to my nightcrawler ways, that meaning I've gm-ed. Haha for the record I did not see the sunlight yesterday at all. I woke up at around 3 plus and lay in bed till 8 then got up for dinner then went back to my room. FB-ed the whole day though haha. I need little excitement in my life!!!!
Signing off, J ♥
banner by
We were never lovers, and we never will be, now. I do not regret that, however. I regret the conversations we never had, the time we did not spend together. I regret that I never told him that he made me happy, when I was in his company. The world was the better for his being in it. These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid. And he is gone, and I am old.
The Wake - The Sandman.
from
in
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2 more days. This is getting tiring.
I HATE PJC AND 09A02 AND HELL I DON'T CARE IF ANYONE READS THIS ANYMORE.
constance now I know why you hate CCK. That asshole can go and die >:(
I want the power of invisibility. I mean, I know I'm already rather transparent but hell, sometimes it'd be better to be completely unknown. I don't even know what I'm talking about, bullshit right.
I feel my friends slowly slipping away from me, this is scary.
I need to get my life back on track. No drama, no hate, no bitchiness. Blah.
I hate it when the line "I won't tell, I promise", becomes nothing more than words that so easily roll of your tongue and pushed to the back of your mind. I hate how behind everything you're plunging knives into our backs with that innocent smile still plastered to your face, and you pretend to be nice. And I hate how you pretend everything's alright, but it's not, and it will never be.
And really, to think I trusted you enough not to tell.
Seeing you there, it was so sudden but such a surreal feeling and for a moment I could've believed it was just two of us. You looked up and stared straight at me and I was rooted to the spot (mentally anyway), my heart raced and my fingers were trembling but I kept on walking. Sometimes I wonder why you have such a big effect on me, but I am scared. I'm scared of what to think and to feel because you, one look from you and you throw me into a state of confusion and I am lost.
Sometimes I wish I could lock away my emotions :(
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I remember reading something from Nat's tumblr awhile ago; (sorry I seem to be quoting you an awful lot! ;D)
"i hate being that girl. the girl who waits for you after class, to never be met. the girl who sees you during passing period & trips over her own feet just looking at you. i hate being the girl you don’t even know. i hate knowing everything there is to know about you, & i hate that you can’t even say my name."
WoOooW so simply written but it pinpoints everything that I can't seem to be able to write down properly :)
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I wonder when you'll notice me :x
I guess. I've been updating here more often recently Idk why heh. This has become like my emozzz blog :x
School's been alright but everyday I feel more and more alone it's like everyone's deserted me. It's quite scary, the feeling you get when someone runs off with a part of your heart and refuses to give it back. I'm scared.
To quote Nat; (it's so random but yeah heh :)
"things can only get worse from here, its like I'm rolling violently down a hill straight into hell. maybe tomorrow my feet would get crushed by a van. or all my friends would decide that I'm too mad/sad for their liking. and then I really will spend the next two years alone. "
Dheng it, I feel the exact same way :/
